Ken Howard Dot Com's personal assistant Ryan is a handful on his own BUT 7 of him!!!!? Image "combined" by KHDC using a compilation of 7 photos of Ryan around the car, a fair bit of work for an outdoor shot without a blue screen... please notice the attention to detail with the reflections in the glass and bonnet plus shadows etc.
WANT A PICTURE LIKE THIS OF YOU OR A FAMILY / FRIEND? Just take a series of shots, in various poses. Make sure the camera is on a tripod and have person photographed in various positions. Cost - Only $250. For an extra $100 we will print it on an A1 poster in high gloss. Make sure each image you send us is high resolution, at least 2 Megapixels each. See montage pictures below to see how we did it and how you should send your images. Send digital photos to Tim: tim@kenhoward.com with your details for billing.
Right-click and save each one to see them as larger images, this will give a better view of the positions Ryan is standing in... it took several hours to combine these images into the one above, amazing effect...
Ken Howard Dot Com proudly presents this new product: Yes, KHDC does get requests to "develop" some strange and weird products...
Hey! They FOUND Nemo! Mmm, tastes great...
John Lemon is ALIVE and WELL! Mmm, I wonder if he could SQUEEZE a few more songs out ???
Watch where you're going! Always keep your eyes on the road...
Parting of the RED Sea!
Age Shall Not Weary Them!!! (Arnie: Then & Now!)
Oprah V Subway Diet Hey, after I went on the Oprah Diet, I decided to try the Subway Diet... but now my skin's gone a wee-bit loose...
Audrey Hepburn: Breakfast at Tiffany's original concept...
SPEILBERG'S NEW FILM: Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. He decides that in order to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he'll cast the parts to the great action heroes of all time. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Steven Seagal into his office to hear who they'd like to play:
"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Beethoven. I would love to play him."
Chopin has always been my favourite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him."
"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him."
Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid."
Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, Steven asked him, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"
Arnold then replies ... "I'll be Bach."
It's what's hidden that counts!!! (fake?)
Optical Illusion: Stare at the "Chromed" Mercedes... It's too bright to stare at isn't it? Well, it's not, monitors can only display white as a maximum brightness! It is therefore NO brighter than a white blank page that you type on...
Oops! Watch out for that drain... Don't worry! They all swam to safety on the other side of the road!
Self Explanatory: CEREAL PORT
CAR 4 SALE: Runs Well! It's time to upgrade the company car at Ken Howard Dot Com!
Learners' car park! (Originally, we had this as a WOMEN'S car park, but we were politely corrected! Sorry Ladies!!!)
Yes, that's right, Ken Howard could one day ascend the Royal Throne in Britain as Heir Apparent... apparently...
... that's if 46,000,670 British, Australian, Canadian and other Commonwealth subjects die before he does!
How's this for a new line of dummies (pacifiers)! ^ click to zoom
My name is...
My name is "KEN"!
K as in knife E as in euphoric & N as in pneumonia
Spell your name with the Ken-phabet below...
A as in audio B as in burinist C as in Czar D as in bdellium E as in euphoric F as in fluence G as in gnome or gnat H as in heir I as in ixion J as in ajar K as in knife or know L as in elephant M as in eminent N as in entertain or energy O as in oxymoron P as in psychiatrist or psychology Q as in queue R as in Ra S as in esquire or estuary T as in theology or thespian U as in urgent V as in veer W as in why, what or who X as in xylophone Y as in ywis or Yvonne
VIRUS WARNINGS:
This is the Arnie Virus (click to view others). Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus Terminates and stays resident. It'll Be Back.
There was a great loss recently in the entertainment world. Larry LaPrise, a Detroit native who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey", died last week at the age of 83. They had an especially difficult time trying to keep him in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and ..
Well, you know the rest.
Actually, this IS fake!
ACTUAL FACT!
Australia's First State: NSW (New South Wales) is exactly the right size to fit the world!
According to prominent academic, Professor Glenn Withers, (Australian National University, Canberra ACT, Australia, March 2000) the whole world could fit in NSW. He stated: "Take the world population, divide them into families of five, give them a quarter-acre block each, work out the size of NSW - you can fit the world population into NSW.".
So much for over crowding!?!?
Australian English versus American.
Strewth - expression like 'wow' Fair-dinkum - has a lot of meanings, surprise, 'go-on get outa here' etc. Drongo - idiot Mate - everybody else is one Whingers - complainers Battlers - people who struggle through life Ticker - spunk Snag - sausage - also now a Sensitive New Age Guy Hooroo - goodbye Ridgy-didge - genuine Bewdy - terrific A Good Bloke - a great guy (but stronger but with more affection) Ratbag - flake Sook - wuss Bonzer - wicked (expression) Skedaddle - outta here Mongrel - scumbag You beauty! - woohoo! Boofhead - palooka Stonkered - gobsmacked Tick - Check (as in check a box in a form) Cheque - Check Bill - Check Cobber - Mate/friend (colloquial - hardly used any more) See Saw - teeter totter Cotton bud - Q tip Fairy Floss - Cotton Candy Queue - form a line
Want to see a sentence with 5 AND's in a row in it?Click here!
"Don't answer this message if you can't reply." "And THEN!" "Your eclectic use of the vernacular at this juncture would eschew your present surreal mentality!" "Let us pontificate on such a venerable enigma." "Nokia (or your phone brand) Auto Reply: Your SMS message to Inbox of ... (your phone no.) ... is blocked." "The floggin will continue until the mood of the crew improves!" (Monty Python) "I am just a victim of an overly latigious society" "I think it is a fait-accompli that.... (add your own reply ending)" "I would wish my departure greeting to be prefixed with a positively re-inforced adjective!" - (in other words... "Good-BYE!")
See the latest medical break through since penicillin.Click here!
A Poem by an African Man...
DEAR WHITE FELLA COUPLA THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW WHEN I BORN, I BLACK WHEN I GROW UP, I BLACK WHEN I GO IN SUN, I BLACK WHEN I COLD, I BLACK WHEN I SCARED, I BLACK WHEN I SICK, I BLACK AND WHEN I DIE, I STILL BLACK
AND YOU WHITE FELLA, WHEN YOU BORN, YOU PINK WHEN YOU GROW UP, YOU WHITE WHEN YOU GO IN SUN, YOU RED WHEN YOU COLD, YOU BLUE WHEN YOU SCARED, YOU YELLOW WHEN YOU SICK, YOU GREEN WHEN YOU DIE, YOU GRAY. AND YOU CALLING ME COLORED??
Exclusive info on Microsoft's new debut to the Mobile industry. Check it out here!
The word 'politics' describes the process so well:
'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
New Zealand Talk
Ken Howard travels often to New Zealand and with the friendly rivalry between the two countries, Australians boast that New Zealand was once a colony of Australia, almost became one of its states and is still listed as such in the Australian Constitution. With its isolation and British heritage (and a little less Irish influence), New Zealanders have developed their own unique accent. Their most obvious by pronouncing the number SIX with an "E" vowel.
For the bist efict, rid these out aloud!!!
1. Milburn - Capital of Victoria (Melbourne) 2. Peck - I'm packing a suitcase (Pack) 3. Pissed aside - Chemical which terminates insects (Pesticide) 4. Pigs - Hang out washing with (Pegs) 5. Pump - To act as agent for prostitute (Pimp) 6. Pug - Large animal (Pig) 7. Nin tin dough - Computer game (Nintendo) 8. Munner stroney - soup (Minestrone) 9. Min - Male of the species (Men) 10. Mess Kara - eye makeup (Mascara) 11. Mckennock - person who fixes cars (Mechanic) 12. Mere - Mayor 13. Leather - foam produced from soap (Lather) 14. Lift - To leave (Left) 15. Kiri Pecker - Famous australian businessman (Kerry Packer) 16. Kittle crusps - Potato chips (Kettle brand crisps) 17. Key tongue - ex OZ prime minister (Paul Keating) 18. Ken's - Cairns 19. Jumbo - pet name for Jimmy Connors (tennis player) (Jimbo) 20. Jungle bills - Christmas carol (Jingle Bells) 21. Inner me - enemy 22. Guess - Vapour (Gas) 23. Fush - marine creatures (Fish) 24. Fitter cheney - type of pasta (work this one out yourself!) 25. Ever cardeau - Avocado 26. Fear hear - blonde (Fair hair) 27. Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen (Air) 28. Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym (Aerobics) 29. Duffy cult - not easy (Difficult) 30. Day old chuck - young poultry (not vomit) 31. Bug hut - popular recording (Big Hit) 32. Bun button - been bitten by insect 33. Amejen - Visualise (Imagine) 34. Rissal Crew - Russell Crowe (NZ-born, but raised in Australia, actor)
Covering your tracks
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.
It said: "Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not.".
Ode to the Spell Checker
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
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